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Read it and Weep

Nov 30, 2012

Once you decide to name your movie Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is that you never have to explain the premise to people. "It's a bed, Larry. It eats. How hard is this?"

On the other hand, don't ask anybody to explain why the bed eats people. "Because it's evil, Larry! And hungry."

Such is the plot of the 1977 no-budget...

Nov 21, 2012

IT'S FINALLY OVER!!! I can't tell you how excited I am that the Twilight Saga is over. Okay, I'll tell you. Very. I'm very excited the Twilight Saga is over. So excited I made a cartoon and a rap summarizing Breaking Dawn.

And barring Steph Meyer writing more books or the movies being rebooted or any number of other...

Nov 14, 2012

And with that, it's over. Twilight is over. Unless Stephanie Meyer writes more books, which she's threatened, but WE DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!

Breaking Dawn doesn't end with a climax, like a normal book would. Instead, some tense negotiations lead to everybody getting what they want. Yay! The Twilight series is...

Nov 7, 2012

The first half of Breaking Dawn is bananas. The third quarter is straight comedy.

Bella is a vampire, and this only makes her a more annoying version of herself. She can think about nothing much faster, bite her lip much harder, sigh and whine much more perfectly. Everybody sits around and watches the baby's mind movies...

Nov 1, 2012

If you're ever running for president, do yourself a favor: don't sleep with Rielle Hunter.

I don't know if "What Really Happened" is true or not. But the sad thing is, if it is, Rielle Hunter and John Edwards are both stupider than what we ever knew. They're petty, vindictive, whiny, defensive, and most of all, dumb as...