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Read it and Weep

Nov 24, 2009

The boys go to sold-out screenings of New Moon to stare at Charlie's mustache, Alice's hair, and Edward's ability to ruin every scene that he's in. Episode highlights:

  • Excitable old vampires!
  • Vampire discoballs!
  • Steroids!
  • Mechanical bull sex!

Nov 19, 2009

In this stunning non-conclusion, Bella and Edward both manage not to kill themselves, return to Forks, and everything is as if this book never happened. If only.

We also learn why Edward and Bella love each other: She smells like the perfect ham sandwich to him.

Nov 11, 2009

In part 2, our boys discover that teenage guys are just moody werewolves, Alice still has great hair, and cliff diving and trips to Italy are both viable options for suicide.

Nov 4, 2009

In their (less than) triumphant return to the Twilight series, our boys groan their way through the first third of New Moon. The only good news to be found is that Bella wants to sleep with a large puppy dog.