Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode

Read it and Weep

Nov 25, 2011

As is typical with terrible books, the movie adaptation of Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer is an improvement on its source material.  They significantly toned down the baby-dating, wife-swamping aspects of the book and  focused on pretty visuals like a wedding in the woods and an island off Brazil.  

Breaking Dawn Part 1 follows Bella Swan (the constipated Kristen Stewart) as she turns from an annoying teenager into a sex-crazed teenager, then into a pregnant skeleton, and finally into a pair of vampire eyes.  During this transition,  her ex-boyfriend/kiss-rapist Jacob Black (the triangular Taylor Lautner) leaves his pack of dog-people and puppy guards Bella until he sees the demon baby and decides (in a totally non-creepy way) that he must be it's body guard forever.

The movie succeeds in being less crazy and even has a couple of manufactured near-action sequences that make it more entertaining that the book.  But if you're looking for a movie without K Stew and Robert Nipple Hair in it, you'll have to go somewhere else.